It’s true! I am a blonde and I pay good money to keep it that way! I grew up in an atmosphere where I was 'in charge' taking care of my siblings, doing the chores, indoors and out. It was serious business. I can remember hearing my folks telling me that the work wouldn’t get done if I was horsing around. Knowing that work was an absolute priority there was the proverbial carrot dangling: when my work was complete I’d get to play. Playing never occurred much and goofing around caused problems and mistakes. Laughing and having fun was considered to be playing and there wasn’t the time for that. Now my parents did the absolute best they knew how to do with a herd of children, so just know I'm over blaming them. Throughout my life I would put myself in situations where I would be in charge and I'd continue to be serious. Very little time to play, work would always take priority. And life wasn't fun; in fact I became frustrated and resentful. Life sucked. I began asking myself if I wanted to continue with the same behaviors as I had learned from the many years of training or did I want to make some new decisions for me -- from me as an adult? As I began to 'free' up my diligent beliefs of work and seriousness, I started to realize that I was a perfectionist. It was a battle. Mistakes really appeared and my inclination was to kick into overdrive busying myself with more work. Maybe I could fix my mistakes. This realization -- that I wasn't perfect was absolutely horrifying. My world was crumbling. I was my own worst enemy. Being my best friend was an unheard concept and as far from reality to me as Jupiter is to you. “You should, if only, why, etc.,” were running rapid in my mind. That inner dialogue trying to run the show had to be disposed of. Continue reading ... |
| .Ponderings ... |
.AIt's true! I am blonde ... |
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